First love.

You crushed me.

Yet somehow I still view you as the brightest of lights.

You will always have real estate inside of me.

No longer in my heart, rather in my head.

You taught me how to be, how not to be, and what I needed.

Thank you for allowing me to grow into the person I am.


I miss you.

But I had to stop answering.

I hope you understand.

This isn’t about what I want.

Cause god, I want you.

This is about whats best for us in the long run.

I was never going to be your girl.

You were never going to leave her.

It’s hard to get your messages,

To see your face and look away.

But loving you means destroying myself.

And I just can’t do that again.


You used to want me.

I was your first thought waking up.
I was the last thought on your mind before sleep.

I made your blood flow in places meant for the bedroom.

Your words soft and sweet and the strongest caffeine.

You stopped saying good morning and nights got busy.

I wish you had just told me what was happening instead of leaving me feeling like I was crazy.

I don’t need you but I wanted you to stay.


Am I crazy because I feel things, show my emotion, wear my heart on my sleeve?

Or, am I crazy because my feelings, emotions, heart do not align with yours?

Why is it that when you are interested, I am a stargirl? Unique, beautiful, quirky, entertaining, intoxicating.

But the minute I show imperfection I am a bother, an obligation, some girl fawning over you needing to be reprimanded and kept in line.

You call it crazy, I say consistent.

You can not walk in and out as you please and expect me to be available at your command.

I am a person.

I have needs.

When those needs are not met, I am allowed to feel.

Maybe you are the fucking crazy one.