Paranoia

Why is it that every time I feel for someone I suffocate?

i can’t breathe or sleep or eat.

anxiety riddled thoughts of self-hatred.

They don’t want to talk to you, they don’t like you, you’re annoying them.

Then the girl that’s fun and lovable becomes a monster, self-conscious and paranoid.

I don’t want to be this person, and I hope I don’t drive you away.

This is my baggage.

Proofread.

Seeing you happy is all I’ve wanted for you.

And it isn’t that it hurts me, seeing you with her.

It’s the strange, unfamiliar feeling I get when you ask me for advice.

What should I say? Does this seem right? Is she interested?

It feels warped assisting you in building something that could have been ours.

But instead, the focus is on her.

I want to say run, forget this, love me.

But instead I will proofread your witty banter and watch you gain the happiness I’ve wanted for you all along.

Push.

When you love someone who doesn’t deserve it, it feels like you’re watching yourself from above.

I know better than to tolerate your mistreatment, but like a car crash I can’t divert my gaze.

This hold on me that you’ve had for entirely too long is not due to any qualities about you that could be considered even remotely special.

I know you are no good, but still thoughts of you linger in the back of my head.

I thought about you today, and I almost said hello.

But doing that would lead you to believe you still have some form of hold on me.

You see, for a while you did. I loved a person who did not deserve it.

But when you love someone like that, you eventually come to your senses.

It took a while to fall back down to reality. But I am here and I am better than you could ever imagine.