I’ve spent the past month consumed with thoughts on why you’ve grown distant.

Defeating thoughts where I tear myself apart needing someone to blame for the reason this isn’t working.

I’m not going to run away with you.

We don’t wind up together.

We both know this.

But still I can’t get thoughts of you tangled in my sheets out of my mind.

Laying with my head on your chest as you outline my spine with your fingertips

Consumed in talks of wedding songs and heavy hearts.

But we are growing apart.

Jealous thoughts growing in your mind like a weed.

Thinking about the other bodies laying next to mine.

You should know its about you now.


“I really did it this time”

A phrase I frequently say in jest to friends.

Accidentally laughing while leaving a voicemail at work.

Attaching the wrong document to an email.

Silly mistakes that hardly matter.


I really did it this time.

A phrase I say to myself when my self-destructive behaviors get in the way.

Developing feelings for someone with unsafe intentions.

Involving myself in a dangerous love triangle.

I say my phrase light heartedly as I rip my life to pieces.